Some of you may be lamenting another year’s passing and others might be thanking your lucky stars that 2013 is finally over. Still others might not care either way since January first is just another day, after all.
Regardless of how you feel about the New Year, many of us make resolutions. However, since Boulder is like no other town on Earth, my guess is that the resolutions people make here are different from anywhere else.
Here are my predictions for the top resolutions Boulderites will make this year.
I will not stand in line for my weed longer than I stand in line for brunch. Dispensaries are the Starbucks of Boulder; there’s one on each corner. To stand in line longer than it would take me to get a table at Snooze makes no sense.
I will stop bogarting my friend’s red card in order to build my weed stash. Now that it’s fully legal, I will either suck it up and get my own red card or pay retail. December 31 was my last day to say, “Hey, ummm…are you going to the dispensary anytime soon?”
I will limit my intake of caffeine to “normal” levels. People have commented that my coffee intake would be “enough to keep an African Rhino awake for several days” and when I donated blood, it smelled like espresso. This year, I’m cutting back to a reasonable four cups a day.
I will only berate one canvasser per week. Yes, I want them to stop getting my attention with their friendly “Hey, I know you” wave. No, I don’t want to sign one more petition to save this or stop that. But, they’re just doing their job. This year, I will only lose my mind on one of them per week, and I’ll pick the one that seems to have the thickest skin.
I will pick one sport to be a gearhead about. Or three. Right now, REI calls me to ask if they can host their Garage Sale events at my house. This year, I will choose where I spend my money wisely. I will only collect equipment for rock climbing. No, camping. No, backpacking. Skiing! Decathalons! Screw it, there’s no way I can keep this resolution. The fewest sports I can dial this back to is six — and yoga.
I will wear pants and closed toed shoes in the winter. No, I’m not cold. However, my shorts seem to make people uncomfortable in subzero temperatures. It’s not my fault I’m a robust mountaineer with blood that refuses to freeze. It’s my gluten/dairy/soy-free/all-organic diet that makes me able to withstand the brute forces of winter. You’re just jealous.
ALL THE FOURTEENERS! I’m probably the last person in Boulder to try and tackle them all, so I’ve got to get on top of that. First, I’ll need to stock up on supplies at REI. Wait — didn’t I say I was going to do just rock climbing (and yoga) this year? Aren’t Fourteeners rocks?!?
I will fight the urge to rage in the Whole Foods parking lot. There is nowhere else in the world where savagery is more evident than in the Whole Foods parking lot. It’s every person for themselves and I find it very hard to remain zen amidst a sea of aggressive yoga pant-wearing Prius owners. But this year, I will rise above and I will patiently wait for the I Can’t Park Cavalry to figure things out and then I will calmly park, go inside and buy my kombucha. And a coffee. And a box of raw bars. And…